it's okay to want friends. it's okay to not have them.
For a while now I've envied those who seemed to always belong to a group of friends - those that seem to either have the go-to friend group or just many friend groups, in general.
I have a particular friend in mind who embodies this persona, but I also express my story based on observations I've seen of other, more acquaintance-like-friends. These people seem to have a solid group (or groups) of friends and based on their social media postings, they seem to be spending more time with each other than I do.... with any friends.
While I understand the narrative "don't compare your life to someone's highlight reel", I quite frankly believe that other people are hanging out with each other, a lot more than I do with any friends. Of course this has made me feel lonely and made me question if something was wrong with me, but I wanted to share an epiphany I had today as Adam was driving me to my first every book club meeting:
Why should my life feel dull when it can (and does!) feel expansive? Why should I exist in a certain way that conforms to a social-media standard? Why should I feel less-than the moment I compare, but feel fine when I forget about comparing myself?
The way I see it, there's a lot of potential with this space - there's room to meet new people (even if we don't become besties), there's room to expose myself to different ways of thinking, and there's just so many new things to try!
I say all this while acknowledging that the loneliness does seep in sometimes when I think about how I don't have a close-knitted group of friends and I also acknowledge that there is nothing wrong in having friend groups and living in a way that conforms to social-media expectations.
I guess I'm saying all this because I want to flip the narrative that there's nothing to be explored in the, lack-ness of close friends. It's not the end of my relationships to other people.. it's just. Different. And that's okay.